They Need Us
A few years back my father was having an angiogram. I was visiting with him at the hospital and we were talking about upcoming Father's Day plans. We were planning our traditional trip down to Lowell to see Erin's dad and then driving to DeMotte to see him. He said, "That really makes for a long day - when are you going to have some time to just enjoy yourself - you're a father, too!" I told him, "Dad, I don't want to enjoy myself, I want to spend time with you." Yes, he laughed...
As a father of six kids, I've often joked - I want to write a book on parenting, just so I can tear it up and throw it away. None of us guys know what we're doing before becoming a father.
Being a father is an immense privilege. I think, because many times it's such a natural progression in men's lives - some tend to take fatherhood for granted. 'I go to school, I get a decent job to provide and we start a family.' But think about it - no man can become a father without the miracle of life that comes directly from God. Yes, humans can reproduce, we can make a baby - but only because God designed it that way.
Life comes from God and human life is sacred, created in His image. No human is conceived without God, no human life is a surprise to God or an accident. Human life is from God, and being allowed to be a father to that life is a sacred privilege. It can be an exhausting privilege - but a privilege nonetheless. And today we honor our fathers.
The Bible tells us, in Ephesians 6:1-4 (NIV)...
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. (2) "Honor your father and mother" - which is the first commandment with a promise - (3) "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." (4) Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Following Biblical principles has everything to do with a father's success. So let's look specifically at...
I. A father's calling
Sure there are 'good fathers' who may not follow Jesus, but whether they understand or not - if they are successful at all it's because they're following God's design for a father. And any 'success' depends upon how you define that success.
Many men define their success through business, or money, or power and influence. We see heroes in action movies measured by their strength - how much weight they can lift or how hard they can punch. But in everyday life, inner strength is far more important to God's design for masculinity than outer strength.
Jesus said that if you want to be great, you need to serve others. And then He demonstrated how to do that – sacrificially.
1 John 3:16 (NIV)
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.
A God-fearing man who wants to be more like Jesus lays down his life for his family every single day. And many of us learn how to live that out by being fathers. Maybe it's playing catch in the yard even though you're tired from a long day at work. Maybe it's encouraging your teenage child to strike out on their own and start experiencing adult responsibilities – even though you'd prefer they not grow up so fast. Sometimes it's as simple as skipping the game on TV to run an errand to the store for your wife.
Those things may not always sound very heroic. But that's because guys usually think masculinity is found in the big things. The truth is, it's mostly found in the inner strength that enables a man to serve his family in the small ways every day.
And of course, it occasionally has its rewards. A couple of weeks ago, I had to dig up a small section in the yard - so I asked my kids, 'who'd like to come out and help?' My six year old, Augie, jumped up and said, "Can I have a shovel, too? Us men have to get the work done!" So we dug a hole together. I enjoyed that yard project way more than the others.
Men, fathers, we are called to serve our families well - and in order to do our job as God designed, we need to...
A. Read God's Word
I'm not sharing any new magic secret this morning - but I'm once again encouraging us in the basics. If you want to become a better father - read, listen to, learn, know God's Word! You need to completely internalize God's design for you as a man, as a father. And back again to that passage we read earlier from Ephesians 6:4 (NIV)...
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
In order for you to teach them, you must first know God's Word! If you want to be a Christian father - knowing God's Word, not just bits and pieces - but thoroughly knowing God's Word is essential! King David, who was called a man after God's own heart, wrote Psalms 40:8 (NIV)...
I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart.
God's commands don't just accidentally get into your heart. Placing God's Word into you has to be a regular, intentional task. Dads know a lot - but we don't know it all. (- Something I'm reminded on a regular basis as I struggle to raise my kids...) So read God's Word! But also, if you want to be successful as a man, as a father - it is essential that you...
B. Pray
Every night, I walk around and lock all the doors at our house. If I forget before I go to bed, I have to get back up and check the locks. I can't sleep until I know my kids are safe. As a dad - it's 'my job' to kill spiders; over the years I've chased off possums, raccoons, angry cats and aggressive dogs from our yard. - Even a coyote one time. It's not courageous - it's just what 'dads' do, right?
But if I do all those things - but I don't pray for and with my children - I'm neglecting the greatest source of protection God has given them! Men - we must be willing to sacrifice our time, our comfort and we must be willing to risk any danger necessary in order to protect our family - but if we are not men of prayer - we are not doing all we can to protect those we love.
Do we believe that prayer makes a difference? If we're not praying - we are demonstrating that we think that somehow we are better at protecting our families than God is. We know that's not true. So pray! And...
C. Lead
We've been given the responsibility, by God, of leadership in our homes. God has commissioned fathers to be spiritual leaders. And you're the spiritual leader of your home whether you want to be or not. You will either lead your family closer to God or further away - by your actions and example. It's your choice, but one of those things will happen. But fortunately - we're not on our own in this task. Not when you read God's Word and pray. And even then, we won't always get it right.
I was humbled a few years back. I'd had a rough week, bills were tight, I'd had a few setbacks dealing with our property where we were building, Erin had been sick and miserable for weeks - and when I got home late, I walked into the boy's room and it was a disaster. I blew up. I started yelling at them to pick up this garbage and put away those clothes. I wasn't really angry at them, but at my circumstances - but they got the brunt of my anger.
After angrily starting a load of laundry - I calmed down a bit and realized what I'd done. I went back into the room, explained that while I did want them to clean their room - I was wrong. I apologized for my temper, but I was still feeling pretty mad. So I asked them if they would pray for me. Benji volunteered and asked God to help them clean their room and to help dad control his temper.
And it's a great story, and I wish I could tell you that was the last time I ever lost my temper, but it wasn't. The lesson I was supposed to learn from that wasn't 'how to be the perfect dad' - it was the importance of admitting when I'm wrong. And God's still working on me.
Proverbs 16:32 (NIV)
Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.
Kids need to see in their fathers, not just an authority figure or disciplinarian, but a man who is real. - Not someone who's perfect, but a man whose heart has been touched by Jesus and is continually growing. - A man who still makes mistakes and yet has the courage to admit that he's made those mistakes.
There are probably many guys who could do your job, but your kids only have one father. Your place in your family matters greatly in God's design. And when fathers embrace that calling, the impact reaches far beyond their own lives. That's one reason Scripture commands us to honor our fathers. Let's look at...
II. Why fathers matter
I want to look again at the command from scripture in Exodus 20:12 (NIV)...
Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
I've pointed this out before - but it bears repeating - God's command here is not just to 'honor godly fathers'. I am very aware that there are many dads out there who have done very little to deserve any honor. On some of my bad days I question exactly how much honor I deserve. But like I pointed out on Mother's Day - the same applies here. I think the idea of honoring our fathers has something to do with recognizing the good that many do. But I also believe that honoring fathers - over a lifetime - has a lot to do with helping to shape who a father becomes. We all need encouragement.
Some of you here have been proven to be pretty good fathers. Then there are others, like me, where the jury's mostly still out. We won't really know if we were a success until our kids have grown up. I'm finding that being a father is a job where the more experience you get, the more you realize that 'experience'… still doesn't always mean that much.
Each child is completely different, the relationship you have with each child is completely different and they keep growing up and changing. And just when you think you have that one thing figured out, the season changes and you're clueless again.
I don't personally have a secret to 'becoming a good father'. But I do know - The best way to be a father, to raise kids - you need to...
A. Follow Jesus
When you read scripture, look at how Jesus modeled and expressed love and grace.
Expressing love and affection is an important character trait to develop for men, for fathers, and for grandfathers because it doesn't always come naturally for many men. Many of us have to learn how to express love openly. And that's true in the father-child relationship.
When I was little, my dad wrestled with me and hugged me and 'loved on me'. But as I got older, and admittedly 'less loveable' in my teen years - he expressed his love differently. For years, as I grew into adulthood - we just didn't hug. It didn't feel very 'manly', maybe? But I do remember, at some point - that changed. Today, if my dad and I both show up at a 'minister's breakfast' he gives me a big hug - every time. Again, don't know if it was me or him, or both of us - but we just stopped for a time. But I'm glad we started again.
And I've carried that on with my kids. They probably get tired of me hugging on them, and kissing them goodnight. - For Winston bending way down so I can kiss him on his head.
Showing love and affection doesn't make you soft. It makes you more like Jesus. And also - I've been told that one of the best ways to show love and affection to your children is to show love and affection to their mother. And that applies to us men who have small children as well as those who have adult children. We need to learn to show love like Jesus and for the sake of our families - and we also need to learn to show grace.
I found the following written by another preacher...
"The word unconditional may be an acceptable way to express the welcome of God. But it fails to communicate the point of that welcome... God does not accept me just as I am; He loves me despite how I am; He loves me just as Jesus is; He loves me enough to devote my life to renewing me, through grace, into the image of Jesus. This love is much, much, much better than unconditional!"
Men - that's the kind of grace we need and our families need to be shown by us. As fathers, we need to love our children the way God loves us - not by ignoring sin, but by extending grace that helps them become who God intends them to be. And when we follow Jesus, and show our families Christlike love and grace, it will immeasurably impact...
B. A father's legacy
It says in Proverbs 13:22 (NIV)...
A good man leaves an inheritance for his children's children, but a sinner's wealth is stored up for the righteous.
A good father wants to leave an inheritance for his children - but a godly father wants to leave both a physical inheritance as well as a spiritual inheritance. We are the legacies of our fathers, and our children become a part of our legacy. Being allowed to be a father, or even a 'father figure', to any child is a sacred privilege.
So What?
Men, how are your families doing? How's your wife doing? Is she happy? - Content? Does she feel good about herself? Is she growing spiritually? How about your children or grandchildren? Are they doing okay? How do they feel about themselves? How's their walk with the Lord?
Our families need us. Even despite our flaws... Our families need us to follow God's design! There are a million other things that society says they 'need' - more income, bigger homes and cars, phones, internet, TV... They need us! Our wives need husbands who will obey the commands of God. Our kids and grandkids need us to lead, confront when necessary, and to show them love and grace. They need us!
Thank you to those men here who have become truly godly examples of what a wonderful father can be. Thank you!! And to all of us men, the fathers and grandfathers - It's still time to lead, to set the pace, to be examples, to do the work, to give our best for the sake of our families and God's Kingdom! May God bless you as you serve your families and those in your care!