Father's Day
Being a father is an immense privilege. I think, because many times it's such a natural progression in many men's lives - some tend to take fatherhood for granted. 'I go to school, I get a job to provide and we start a family.' But think about it - no man can become a father without the miracle of life that comes directly from God. Yes, humans can make a baby - but only because God designed it that way!
Man cannot create life. Sure, science has figured out how to combine God's genetic building blocks that God created to make a baby - but life comes from God and human life is sacred, created in His image! No human is conceived without God. No human life is a surprise to God or an accident. Human life is from God, and being allowed to be a father to that life is a sacred privilege.
It can be an exhausting privilege - but a privilege nonetheless. And today we honor our fathers. The Bible tells us, in Ephesians 6:1-4 (NIV)...
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. (2) "Honor your father and mother" - which is the first commandment with a promise - (3) "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." (4) Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Following Biblical principles has everything to do with...
I. A father's success
Sure there are 'good fathers' who may not follow Jesus, but whether they understand or not - if they are successful at all it's because they're following God's design for a father. And success depends upon how you define success. Many men measure their success in business, or money, or power and influence. We see heroes in the movies measured by their strength - if they can lift a car, or punch a bad guy through the wall. But in everyday life, inner strength is far more important to true masculinity than just outer strength.
Jesus said that if you want to be great, you need to serve others. And then He demonstrated how to do that – sacrificially.
1 John 3:16 (NIV)
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.
A real man lays his life down for his family every single day. And many of us learn how to live that out by being fathers. Maybe it's playing catch in the yard even though you're tired from a long day at work. Or maybe it's talking a daughter through her first heartbreak – even though you'd rather she not grow up at all. Sometimes it's as simple as skipping the game on TV to run an errand to the store for your wife.
Those things may not always sound very heroic. But that's because guys usually think masculinity is found in the big things. The truth is, it's mostly found in the inner strength that enables a man to serve his family in the small ways every day. And of course, it occasionally has its rewards. I guess it was about eleven years ago, I found this note on my desk from my daughter, ***(Slide) "Ron Buche I love you" - signed, "Josie". That's pretty awesome...
Men, fathers, we're called to serve our families well - and in order to do our job as God designed, we need to...
A. Read God's Word
If you want to be a better father - read, listen to, learn, know God's Word! You need to completely internalize God's design for you as a man, as a father! And back again to that passage we just read from Ephesians 6:4 (NIV)...
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
In order for you to teach them, you must first know God's Word! If you want to be a Christian father - knowing God's Word, not just bits and pieces - but thoroughly knowing God's Word is essential! King David, who was called a man after God's own heart, wrote...
Psalms 40:8 (NIV)
I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart.
God's commands don't just accidentally get into your heart. Placing God's Word into you has to be a regular, intentional task.
A young boy was helping his dad with the latest 'smart phone' and the dad said, "Trust me, I know way more stuff than you do." The boy was arguing that he knew more about technology than his father. He challenged his dad, "Well do you know who started the spaceship company, Space X?" "Elon Musk," his father replied, "I know more than you!". The boy asked, "Do fathers always know more than their sons?" The dad answered, rather sternly, "Yes, they do." The boy then asked, "Well, if fathers always know more than their sons, then why didn't Elon Musk's father start Space X?" ..."Shut up."
Dads know a lot - but we don't know it all. Read God's Word! But also, if you want to be successful as a man, as a father - it is essential that you...
B. Pray
Can you call a man a 'good father' if he would put his own safety ahead of his children's safety?
Every night, I walk around and lock all the doors at our house. If I forget before I go to bed, I have to get back up and check the locks. I can't sleep until I know my kids are safe and the house is locked.
As a dad - it's my job to kill bugs; I've chased a possum and a raccoon off our back porch late at night. One time there was a coyote prowling in our back yard. I didn't stop to think that he might have a bunch of friends with him, I just ran out into the dark empty handed and chased it away. It's not courageous - it's just what 'dads' do, right?
I'm secure in my relationship with Jesus, and because of the grace of God - I know I'm safe from the danger of Hell. Have we made sure our children are safe and secure from that danger..? Can you call a man a 'good father' if he would put his own safety ahead of his children's safety?
If I don't pray for and with my children - they are not protected. Men - we must be willing to sacrifice our time, our comfort and we must be willing to risk any danger necessary in order to protect our family - but if we are not men of prayer - we are not doing all we can to protect those we love.
Do we believe that prayer makes a difference? If we're not praying - we are demonstrating that we think that somehow we are better at protecting our families than God is. We know that's not true! So pray! And...
C. Lead
We've been given the responsibility of spiritual leadership in our homes. God has commissioned fathers to be spiritual leaders. And you're the spiritual leader of your home whether you want to be or not. You will either lead your family closer to God or further away - by your actions and example. It's your choice, but one of those things will happen. But fortunately - we're not on our own in this task. Not when you read God's Word and pray. And we won't always get it right.
I was humbled a few weeks back. I'd had a long day between work at the office and squeezing in some time to pack some things at the old house. When I got home, the kids had not put away their clothes, there were used paper plates strewn around the room from dinner, that I had missed, by the way, and I was just beat.
I told the kids, once again - 'Please pick up your mess', and I went upstairs. As soon as I got up there, I heard Augie let out a scream downstairs. I went bounding back down and yelled, "What is going on down there?" I wasn't really angry at them, but at my circumstances - but they got the brunt of my anger.
I thought Augie was mad, but it turns out someone had accidentally hurt him. So then I was mad that they were playing too rough with him and I went off again about being more careful... After I calmed down a bit I realized what I'd done. I went back into the room, explained that while I did want them to pick up their garbage and to be more careful - I was wrong. I apologized for my temper. It says this in Proverbs 16:32 (NIV)...
Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.
Kids need to see in their fathers, not just as an authority figure or disciplinarian, but as a man who is real. - Not someone who's perfect, but a man whose heart has been touched by Jesus and is still growing, who still makes mistakes and yet has the courage to admit that he has made those mistakes.
Our success as fathers is greatly determined by knowing God's Word and prayer - and especially for those who learn to do the job well, we are called to...
II. Honor fathers
I want to look again at the command from scripture in Exodus 20:12 (NIV)...
Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
I thought about making this point 'honor Godly fathers', but that's not really God's command. I am very aware that there are many dads out there who have done very little to deserve any honor. But I think the idea of honoring our fathers has something to do with recognizing the good that many do. But I also believe that honoring fathers - over a lifetime - has a lot to do with helping to shape who a father becomes. We all need encouragement.
Some of you here have been proven to be pretty good fathers. Then there are others, like me, where the jury's still out. We won't really know if we were a success until our kids have grown up. I'm finding that being a father is a job where the more experience you get, the more you realize that experience… still doesn't always mean that much.
I am a father to more children than most of you - but it doesn't really matter. Each child is completely different, the relationship you have with each child is completely different and they keep growing up and changing. And just when you think you have one thing figured out, the season changes and you're clueless again.
I don't personally have a secret to 'becoming a good father'. But I do know - The best way to be a father, to raise kids...
A. Follow Jesus
When you read scripture, look at how Jesus modeled and expressed love and grace.
Expressing love and affection is an important character trait to learn for men, for fathers and grand-fathers because expressing love doesn't always seem to come naturally for most men. I think that's why the Bible tells husbands to "love" their wives, because we have to learn how to love. The Bible almost never tells wives to "love" their husbands because that usually comes more naturally for them. Instead, wives are told to "respect" their husbands, because sometimes that's hard to do.
Men, most of us have to learn how to express love. And that's true in the father/child relationship, too.
A cartoon strip showed a dad coming into the room where his teenage daughter was sitting on the couch watching television and munching popcorn. So he sat down next to her and a little thought bubble appeared over his head. He was thinking, "I remember when she was so little. I held her in my arms and loved her, and it was wonderful. Now look at her. She's all grown up, I wonder what she would think if I held her like I used to and told her again that I love her..? Aw, she'd probably be just be embarrassed and uncomfortable." While he was silently thinking that, a thought bubble popped up over her head, "I wonder why Dad never hugs me anymore..?"
Showing love and affection doesn't make you soft. It makes you more like Jesus. And also - I've been told that one of the best ways to show love and affection to your children is to show love and affection to their mother. And that applies to us men who have small children as well as those who have adult children. We need to learn to show love like Jesus and for the sake of our families - we also need to learn to show grace.
I found the following written by another preacher...
"God's grace is intended to change the people who receive it. We need to understand there is something wrong with us. From God's point of view, you not only need someone else killed in your place in order to be forgiven; you need to be transformed in order to be forgiven; you need to be transformed in order to be fit to live with.
The word unconditional may be an acceptable way to express the welcome of God. But it fails to communicate the point of that welcome: a comprehensive and lifelong rehab, learning "holiness without which no one will see the Lord." God does not accept me just as I am; He loves me despite how I am; He loves me just as Jesus is; He loves me enough to devote my life to renewing me, through grace, into the image of Jesus. This love is much, much, much better than unconditional!"
Men - that's the kind of grace we need and our families need to be shown by us. And when we follow Jesus, it will immeasurably impact...
B. A father's legacy
It says in Proverbs 13:22 (NIV)...
A good man leaves an inheritance for his children's children, but a sinner's wealth is stored up for the righteous.
A good father wants to leave an inheritance for his children - but a Godly father wants to leave a spiritual inheritance as well. We are the legacies of our fathers, and our children become a part of our legacy. Being allowed to be a father, or even a 'father figure', to any child is a sacred privilege.
So What?
Good men understand a truth here - as far as we're concerned, 'Father's Day' is not really about us. Yes, we of course honor fathers today, as we should. But 'good fathers' know being a father is not about us.
Men, how are your families doing? How's your wife doing? Is she happy? - Content? Does she feel good about herself? Is she growing spiritually? How about your children or grand children? Are they doing okay? How do they feel about themselves? How's their walk with the Lord?
Our families need us. There are a million other things that the world says they 'need' - more income, bigger homes and cars, phones, internet, TV... - They need us! Our wives need husbands who will obey the commands of God. Our kids and grandkids need us to lead, confront when necessary, and to show them love and grace. They need us.
Thank you to those men here who have become truly godly examples of what a wonderful father can be. Thank you!! And to all of us men, the fathers and grandfathers - It's still time to lead, to set the pace, to be examples, to do the work, to give our best for the sake of our families and God's Kingdom! May God bless you as you serve your families and those in your care!